Snakes on a blog

This past Wednesday, March 7 was a monumental day. I finally witnessed one of the most talked about films of this decade. If you haven't guessed already, that film is non-other than the brilliant, incomprable Snakes on a Plane. I mean, how many other movies have you seen where the title is also the plot? Someone was thinking like a champion. And talk about a diabolical scheme; surely Hitler and Mussolini would hang their heads in shame. The writers did a phenominal job in creating a realistic scenario, especially in casting an Asian villian. Obviously only an Asian would have the intellectual prowess to organize an air-borne, reptilian assult. Oh, but Samuel L. Jackson makes the film as the FBI agent (of course, angry), who holds everyone together as venemous snakes rain down from the overhead compartments. His awesomeness just fills the entire plane. He captivates the audience in what I felt was the pinnacle of the film, as he declares "I have had it with these motherf*ing snakes on this motherf*ng plane!" In fact, even the laws of physics must yield to S.L.J. during this scene as he blows a hole in the side of the airplane which sucks out the snakes and spares every passenger (even the woman holding on to a baby). SLJ goes on to show that he is a true leader who knows when to step aside as he defers to Kenan Thompson from SNL to land the plane (both pilots lost the battle with the snakes), since his character had played a lot of airplane video games. After seeing this film, I was informed by my roommate's boyfriend that there is another film involving a snake-related transportation debacle aptly titled Snakes on a Train. I now feel strongly inclined to go to a store in which videos are rented or sold and buy it and/or rent it. Now that snakes are on planes AND trains, why stop there? They could be anywhere, such as these screenplays that are currently in the works:

Snakes gone insane: In this film, poisonous snakes infiltrate a mental institution. Samuel L. Jackson plays a Vietnam war vet with PTSD, and no one believes him about the snakes until it is too late. Or is it......
Snakes in your Hanes: This film involves a mad scientist who uses a shrinking machine to shrink venemous snakes and have them packaged in underwear. Once again starring S.L.J., he goes out on a limb as he plays both the villianous mad scientist and the FBI agent who must solve this case and confront a disturbing secret...the he himself is a venemous snake!
Snakes go to Maine: S.L.J. stars as a poor fisherman whose boat becomes ridden with venemous snakes while he is stranded on his fishing boat at sea. It turns out that when he was in Snakes gone insane he traveled back in time to have the snakes shipped to Maine instead, thus saving the day in that film but unknowingly putting himself in harm's way in this one. Oh, you bet he's kicking himself now.
Snakes vs. Wayne: In this flick Wayne Gretzky, played by none other than Samuel L. Jackson, must singlehandedly stave off a whole fleet of snakes who have interrupted the NHL championship game. In an interesting twist, Wayne agrees to face off the snakes in hockey all alone. This film has an intriguing scene in which Wayne, the ref, and the snakes' team captain, a pit viper, discuss the rules of this fateful match. Given the inability of a snake to check someone, injecting a person with poisonous venum is deemed an acceptable substitiute. Also, the cobra plays a phenomenal goalie.
Snakes and John McCain: This film takes snakes to a place they have never been before...Washington. A very smooth-talking puff adder goes head to head against John McCain, unsurprisingly played by S.L.J., in a race to become commander-in-chief. The snakes have very strong opinions on issues such as health care and education, so many important discussions are had during the course of this production. Who will be the victor in this presidential pursuit? I haven't seen this movie but I would bet on the snakes, since they are poisonous and they bite.

And the list could go on...